Australia Fights Back: Nude and Loud, Say It Proud!

CANBERRA (Reuters) – An Australian holiday resort will hold a month-long, nude "anything goes" party to combat an expected economic downturn, media reports said on Thursday.

"Tough economic times call for stiff measures," Tony Fox, the owner of the White Cockatoo resort in Mossman, in tropical Queensland state, told the Courier-Mail newspaper.

"It will be a hedonism resort, where anything goes for a month. It doesn't take rocket science to work out what it means," Fox said, naming March as the risque party month."

Kane and I just sold blood and now can finally get the vacation we deserve! Anything goes? You swear?? Hm Can't see anything that could go wrong there.

I'll go down.... under (I figured the article didn't have enough bad innuendos) for this kind of throwdown. See you in March mates!

Flip Flops Worth Flippin For!

"The Reef Men's Dram Sandal features a hidden flask so you can smuggle your moonshine into any sporting event, concert, or boring lecture. The polyurethane-encapsulated canteen hides in the heel and opens with the included church key/fin key...

These flip-flops' synthetic nubuck uppers and compression-molded EVA footbeds feel mad comfortable and they won't get thrashed by the water, which makes the Dram Sandals great for boating or chilling on the beach."

My number one complaint about vacation is that I can't fit my flask into those stupid board shorts... true story. Oh that and my family's there but this doesn't fix that.

Now I can take a stroll on the beach with my 2 favorite things: the sunset and Johnny Walker.

People look at me a little odd for wearing these in the winter but I'm too plowed to care. Thanks flip flop scientists.








Source: Amazon

Slutometer: Finally!

" * Button-activated sexual conquest counter
* Digital display moves up and a siren plays over congratulatory phrases when activated
* Includes reset button
* Batteries not included

There's no room for romance in the numbers game. Points are scored every time you land a snog, a grope or a full-on shag. Hit the respective button and the built-in siren will announce news of your success to the world."

Let's see 67.... spring break in cabo... 68... wait where was I??? shit! Ok start over. Back of a Subaru.. one... this is going to take forever!

Not any more!! Carry your slutometer to solve this age old problem. It even plays a sound when you add a conquest. Nice!

Includes a reset button when you want to lie to your new girlfriend or when you got drunk and passed out on the button... Sorry Kane.

And need I say, honesty rule in effect fellas. *yeah right*


Oh batteries not included: story of my life.




Photo: play.com

Slinky... Can we keep him dad??

This video is f'n amazing. Try to be sober'ish when you watch or it'll make you a little car sick.

I had a slinky growing up. It never did anything remotely cool. Plop down one step then my brother would bend it so it's only use was wrapping it around my head to make my galaxy futuristic mars hat. Which subsequently had to be cut out of my hair once. Still worth it.


*galaxy futuristic mars hat - patent pending

Beer On A Stick.. Helps You Not Get Laid

" It’s an injected-molded polystyrene 3 piece cup holder. Our intuitive design makes it easy to assemble. Our low order minimums make it easy for you to try Beer on a Stick™ at your next event!

We are sure you'll share our enthusiasm for this new product. Sit back and enjoy one of your favorite beverages using the Beer on a Stick™ cup holder and we're sure you'll agree that this item is truly unique and fun.

We feel, “It’s how you hold that keeps it cold – Beer on a Stick™!”"

Beer on a stick!! I like just about anything on a stick but come on.. some things are sacred.

In honor of it being Friday and I'm gettin sickie woo wasted this weekend, I thought I'd share this gem with you.

So this 'product', if you will, claims that it will end your days of hand temperature beer or wet cold hands. I remember college... kinda... and I don't remember those issues ever coming up. If they did we just got tossed upside down and drank straight from the source. I guess the losers that would actually use this thing didn't go to college. So kids, what have we learned?? Exactly... I've lost my pants again. SICKIE WOO!



Photo: beeronastick.net

For the Girl That Has Everything.... 'Cept a Plastic Bag

"Lingerie manufacturer Triumph International Japan has unveiled a new type of brassiere that can be converted into a shopping bag. When the bra is being worn, the “shopping bag” portions are folded away inside the bra cups, where they serve as extra padding. The bra quickly converts to a shopping bag by removing the bag portions from the cups and connecting the hooks on the bra’s underwire."

Wait just a little.. eh hold on.. ok *unsnap*... got it.. *through the sleeve*. Now lets see fold this down... over.. tie up here and VOILA! a bag to hold your other valuables ladies. Just stay clear of the frozen food section at the grocery store. Could be a little 'cold' for you.




Photo: Triumph

Theatre Just Dance Dance Revolutioned It's Way Into My Heart.

Dance Dance Revolution: The Musical!

"Brace yourselves for the theater event of the year: Dance Dance Revolution, the musical. Starring As The World Turns actor Van Hansis, it will feature original songs, a 40-person cast and DDR.

The plot:

"It's set in an Orwellian society where a dance prophet named Moonbeam Funk helps dancing youth gangs rebel against a fascist government. The company working on the show describes it as "like Footloose set in the future — but kind of scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors and buckets of free beer."

Dude I'd go see paint dry if you gave it that kind of plot summary. I like how they warn you that it's "like Footloose - but kind of scarier". hmmmm Footloose was pretty fuckin scary so this is going to be crazy scary! I just know it.

I can't wait for the story build up when we see how Moonbeam Funk changed the ways of young gang rebels of a fascist government to naked boys dancing on a metal video game to Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back". I know a winner when I see one. *SWISH!*


Photo: kotaku.com

The Wheelchair Market Is Still Safe.

"Honda intros experimental walking assist device

Honda Motor on Friday announced it will begin real-world testing of its second experimental walking assist device designed to reduce the strain on a user's leg muscles and joints such as hips, knees and ankles."

Just so I'm clear... you can trade your stiff knees for an uncomfortable crotch, chaffing thighs, permanently ugly shoes, inconvenient bathroom breaks and an all day wedgie? Good to know.

It's hard to understand the actual benefit this thing offers when it's only being demonstrated by healthy young Asian men. I'm guessing they aren't the target market. They should send me a prototype and 2... make that 3... bottles of rum. I'll let you know if it "assists in walking".



Update: You couldn't spring for Bacardi? sheesh.. anyway. While it does help you walk, it doesn't fair well when walking right off the 2 story porch. I'll be sending this back. CUSTOMER DOES NOT RECOMMEND.


Photo: electonista

It Sounds Like They Were Drunk When They Named This Town

Cops have tough time finding sober driver for boy

"SCHERERVILLE, Ind. – Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charges.

The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge.

Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child."

Wow... the first part of this article saddened me because it's def not cool to be driving drunk with a baby. Call them a cab during last call or something. But then I read on and realized that this baby's gene pool is probably going to allow it to live on for many years off of my tax dollars. Which makes this article even sadder to me. *sigh*

Pop A Squat at the Airport... Sure Why the Hell Not

"Never again find yourself stranded in a transportation terminal with no place to sleep! The Mini Motel provides you with comfortable sleeping accommodations no matter where your travels take you."

What's worse than gettin shloshed at the airport tavern then needing to sleep it off or 'no boarding for you mister'? I'll tell you... Trying to sleep it off on a magazine stand. Apparently that's frowned upon in Atlanta.

It seems like the maker of this little joker has had the same experience.

This is a great idea. It's got all of the qualities to be a real star. Let's see.. we've got additional carry-on weight, opens up to become giant space hog tent equipped with an air mattress (which I've yet to figure out how you inflate), an alarm clock to scare the be-jebus out of people that don't want to hear sudden alarms at the airport, a toothbrush (ewww and you should already have one of those being that you are at an airport)... oh and ear plugs so you can't hear the security person telling you to move your dumb ass.



I'll take 2



Photo: minimotel.net

"Go Straight To Jail"... Brings Back Memories For Players

"Paydays are generally an opportunity to pay down your debt. Debt is incurred by buying vehicles and a home on credit. Perhaps a $500 TV, getting married, divorced, re-married, and having too many young’ens! You may fail at step parenting and be able to give your Darryls to another player.Extra earning opportunities arise: Part-time job shooting rats at the dump. Collect $20. New business venture: Steal and sell wheelchairs. Collect $300. Unexpected Expenses occur: One of your TVs breaks. Buy a nice new TV. Pay $500. Accidentally break industrial scale at feed store while weighing yourself. Pay $200 for repairs. Revenge, Sweet Revenge … Go in on a bass boat with any other player, You each pay $300. You need more time to watch TV. You may divide all of your young’ens between the other players. Steal and part out any other player’s vehicle. Collect half its value. Witness Protection Program: May trade homes with any other player."

YAY for poverty!!! If I've said it once I've said it a million times.. there needs to be a multi player board game mocking illiterate destitute po'folk. Finally!

This may hit a little too close to home for some of my friends. Listen just because you can drive your house over to my house doesn't mean you're a redneck. Wait... forget it. Pass the Schnapps.


Photo and Description: Amazon.com

Introducing Mr. Combined, Esquire

"A teenager has changed his birth name by deed poll to incorporate several comic book superheroes.

George Garratt from Glastonbury has become Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.

The 19-year-old music student made the change "for a bit of a laugh", through a legally-recognised website.

He said: "I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."

He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter." "

I don't remember The Hulk being particularly fast... big yes.. green yes.. fast not so much. So there's hole number one in your bullet proof idea.

You know what's a good idea when you're 19 years old... taking advice from your 19 year old friends. And you're right I'm sure they were giving you more names to add to your brilliant (not even a little) stunt. When I was 19, my friends suggested I hold a lit sparkler in my teeth and write curse words in the air. I didn't have eyebrows again until I was 21. (Totally worth it!)


At the end of the day this kid IS in 'music school' so.. you know.. it's not like he'll ever have a real job.. ziiiing!



Photo: BBC News

Bullet Proof... Not Really. Expensive.. Really.

"The Bullet-proof Handkerchief For the Promiscuous Idealist whom Lives in Elegant Danger"

The 21st century ninja dandy bullet-proof handkerchief made of Bullet-Proof Aramid is exclusively sold at Liborius. The store and designer take NO responsibility for schmucks and wooden-heads who feel compelled to test the endurance or resistance of the textile in any way."

Has someone put a hit out on your left nipple? Well fear no more. This stylish gentleman's hankie has just promised to protect your areola. (just the left one... sorry rightie.. you're on your own)

Who you callin a wooden-head??? Don't give me a 'bullet proof' product then call me names for testing it out. That's like giving me ice cream and calling me a 'dip shit' for tasting it. I have no self control. That's a fact.

Anyway, I think this is great. I'm definitely a 'Promiscuous Idealist" who's looking for "Elegant Danger". Between this and my shoes that squirt grease to trip up the bad guys, I'm closer to my life as James Bond. I just need a bond girl and a remote control Mercedes. Oh and triple A, he definitely had triple A.



Photo: srulirecht.com

If This Is Our New Currency... My Backseat Is Loaded!

"Man attempts to pay $32 bar tab with gum wrappers

LAWTON, Okla. – A 28-year-old man who attempted to pay for his bar tab with gum wrappers was arrested after a scuffle with a police officer on Tuesday night, authorities said. A bartender told police the man was playing pool with an open bottle of beer and spilled some of it on the table. She said he first tried to pay his $32 tab with a credit card, which was declined.

When police arrived and ordered the man to pay his tab, they reported that he began counting out gum wrappers as if they were cash.

The man was detained on a complaint of disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer."

I hate when my friends go out without me. I would have totally paid Street King Midas's tab with a bad check... but noooo.

I don't blame him for paying in gum wrappers. Have you seen the dollar's exchange rate? They'd be better off takin Freedent wrappers than these worthless pieces of paper.



Story: AP

Does My Suit Make You Horny? I Mean... Hungry?

Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo

"There's a theory that everything is better with bacon. We believe that theory with all of our heart. To that end, we are introducing our line of bacon formal wear with Uncle Oinker's Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo. You can get married in bacon, get confirmed in bacon or go to the Oscars in bacon! Wait until Joan Rivers gets a whiff of you. Each Tuxedo is tailored from chemically treated latex print fabric in one of four different sizes. Best of all, it smells just like bacon sizzling in the pan. Dry clean only."

Me and one of my right hand mc's, Ryder EZ, have stated on numerous occasions that everything is better with bacon. But this concerns even me. Something about this "chemically treated latex print fabric" screams 'bad for your health' if you ask me... but you know what.. F IT.. you smell like fuckin bacon dude!! all day!! You're gonna get chicks all day long.. not the ones that you'll want to tell your friends about but still chicks.

I think that the bacon scientists that can invent wearable bacon could have come up with a better name than "Uncle Oinker's" but that could just be the fumes talkin. I'll let it slide.



Photo: mcphee.com

Not the 'Six Shooter' I Had In Mind

"If you're serious about your brew, and when it's quantity over quality, strap on a Beer Belt ($18). The Batman-worthy nylon belt features six plastic holsters designed to hold cans or bottles of your favorite liquid snack."

I don't know about you but my waist radiates nuclear sexy heat. Not the 'penicillin needed' heat.. just pure sexy heat. So now what am I supposed to do with 6 warm beers? And there's definitely a 'no running' policy in this classy belt. When I'm drunk.. I run. Like a gazelle. It's a gift really. So call me when they make the igloo cooler fanny pack that can hold a cold six pack, bubble wrap, and match my trucker hat that states the obvious "Sexy" across it.

PS. Let's not drag Batman into this. Everyone knows he's a Gin man.


Photo: Dvice.com

A Lot of Effort To See Boobs at Work... Just Sayin.

WOW WTF WOW! This is f'n ridiculous! I know I say that a lot but I really mean it this time. True story! I say that a lot too huh? Well no joke here.

How much porn do you have to be trying to watch at work to come up with this idea? Just pull a fire alarm or tell everyone there's 3 hour old leftovers from a meeting in the kitchen and you'll get a few minutes of privacy. Seriously.

They claim the brown one is to eat your sandwich in privacy. REALLY!? What the fuck is in your sandwich that you need to keep private... You do know they made tomatoes legal right? I know it's recent but trust me.



Photos: Sternlab.com

I Believe The Children Are Our Future

"Kid-sized treadmill is big time fun! Easy start/stop kid-driven rollers are perfect for low-resistance workouts and "just like Mom and Dad" fun! Padded foam handles for comfort and safety. Ages 3+"

Taking your kids outside for exercise becoming a hassle? Well today is your lucky day. Strap your kid to this nifty tool and sit your fat ass back on the couch. You're welcome.

Who are they fooling with the "just like Mom and Dad" reference. Really? If mom and dad were fitness freaks.. chances are you're gettin fresh air.

I don't see anything wrong with this gadget, to be honest. I just think there should be a lawn mower or vacuum attached to the front. We call that 'earnin your keep'.







Photo: lbtoys.com

Do These Suction Cups Make My Ass Look Big?

"A belt with three GIANT suction cups for you to hitch onto anything. That’s exactly what the Hitch concept is by designer Robert Nightingale. He believes in a free world where opportunistic travelers just latch themselves onto moving vehicles. The triple load vacuum suction cups are strong enough to keep you from flying off. As the designer puts it. . .

For best results position yourself at traffic lights, railway stations or air hangers. Subtly wait for the opportune moment (which is precisely 7 seconds before the initial point of acceleration) and attach the product as firmly as possible to the host vehicle (a brief run up usually does the trick), paying attention to ground clearance for ones feet and enjoy the ride"

Do you have good insurance and no reason to live? Well meet me in 30 minutes cause this thing is AWESOME!

We thought it was cool that Marty McFly, from Back to the Future, could skateboard behind cars.. well suck it Marty! With a casual jog, leap of faith and a little suction action... we're riding the side of a carpet cleaner van.






Update: When jumping onto a non-participating subject's car, it's a good idea to bring cab money. I'm currently 2 states away and Kane won't answer my calls.