It's Christmas *PEW* *PEW*

There's decorating and there's DECORATING. Then there's this fuckin thing. Every year I run into the same problem... Kane not holding the ladder still while I awesome up the house for the holidays. Looks like those days are over. Alls we need now is a pile of paper shred, cannon air gun, good eye doctor, and some glue. Then what?? You guessed it.. That shit's Christmas'd!

He's A Real Tiger In The...... Uh Office?

"The South Korean guy shown in the video looks like a pretty average businessman when he sits at his desk or attends meetings at his company. However, whenever he needs to leave a chair and go somewhere, he gets down on all fours and walks like a tiger. Apparently he had been suffering health problems, but after reading a newspaper article about the benefits of such a walking style, he began walking like a tiger all the time. He gets a lot of funny looks in public and it can be hard for his coworkers to speak with him while walking somewhere together, but he claims that the tiger walk has greatly improved his health. He’s even attracted a few followers and formed an organization of people who walk on all fours!"

I'd like to know what these "health problems" were first before I make any assumptions. Because if he suffered from good posture, clean hands and a social life then I understand him wanting to rid himself of such ailments.

This is why Kane and I pay extra for good health insurance.




Source: Japanprobe.com

Don't Forget To Have Your Robo-Dog Spade Or Neutered

Holy F ME! A giant fire breathing robo-dog motorcycle villain!! Can you imagine seeing Larry (horribly named btw) coming at you? Let's just hope you're capable of running faster than a coma patient. Otherwise you're totally fucked.

Do You Wall Take This Crazy Lady

"A Swedish woman with a fetish for inanimate objects has revealed she's been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years.

Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the concrete structure in 1979, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Mrs Berliner-Mauer, who has been diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality, claimed she fell in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV as a child.

She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests.

While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she had a full, loving relationship with the wall.

Mrs Berliner-Mauer, who lives in Liden, northern Sweden, said: "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy.

"The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick - my husband is sexier."

While the rest of mankind rejoiced when the Berlin Wall was largely torn down in 1989, its "wife" was horrified.

She's never been back and now has only model to remind her of "his" former glory.

Mrs Berliner-Mauer, who has shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence, said: "What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband."

Can you imagine being this woman's "second husband"?? oy!

"Well Berlin Wall never gave me splinters"... "HE never had chipped paint!"

How could you live up to that? This poor garden fence is just praying for a drunk driver to plow it over or maybe a nice case of termites. Which can totally be arranged btw. I've actually been looking for a reason to break up with my ol' ball n chain parking meter. She's just a gold... 'er silver digger.


Source: ananova

Gangsta Granny: She'll Put a Cap In Yo Ass... Then Kiss It and Make It All Better

"A US company claims to have received federal approval to market a 9-mm handgun as a medical device and hopes the US government will reimburse seniors who buy the $300 firearm.

Called the Palm Pistol, the weapon is designed for people who have trouble firing a normal handgun due to arthritis and other debilitating conditions.

The sales information reads: "It is also ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier."

Hey you know what else makes for inaccurate targeting... glaucoma, dementia and Alzheimer's.

No this is a great idea. My nana is always feuding with the lady across the hall at her nursing home. We'll see what Iris has to say now when nana swipes her sugar free pudding cup...



*Update* - Nana needs bail money.


Photo: newscientist.com

Robot Girlfriend... Doesn't Fight Crime. What's The Point?

"Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.

So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."

He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.

"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.

Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.

I know plenty of girls that can speak 13,000 different sentences and they're fuckin idiots. So thanks but no thanks.

Le... my bro... you're going about this all wrong. You've put more money into her abilities to balance your checkbook than pleasure you.. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yep you guessed it.. you're just gonna have to build Aiko a sister and sleep with her. It's all in the name of science so you know... s'cool.


ps. She looks old enough (almost) to be on the Chinese gymnastic team. Maybe you should work on her back handspring step out. Pure gold!



Source: thesun

No Boarding Pass Needed For This Plane... Just An Eye Patch.

"Ready for take off. Take your paper airplane experience to electrifying new heights with The Electric Paper Plane Launcher! This fun kit was designed at Middlesex University, one of the leading design Universities in the UK. With simple assemble, you can discover how spinning motors and plastic discs can be used to launch a plane at over 30 mph! Imported. Wipe clean."

Thirty fuckin miles an hour!?! What's this thing supposed to do... impale vampires? hmmmm I can get on board with that... 'cause if this thing really is JUST a paper plane tosser I'll be pissed. Don't get me wrong.. I'm all for equality and if this gem helps armless people grant their one life long wish to throw a carefully crafted college ruled loose leaf sheet of paper.. well that's beautiful.

I will say that "spinning motors and plastic discs" sounds like a recipe for blood shed but someone needs to take a stand against these vampires. Have you seen their hair? Scary... I know.


ps. I challenge that this product warrants calling this school a "leading design university." There's no ode to bacon or advancement in porn privacy at work soooo let's just slow down with the acclamations.


Photo: urbanoutfitters.com

For Those That Like It From The Back: Thanks But No Thanks

"The Grippity is extremely weird looking, taking on a whole new dimension when it comes to typing as you are required to type from the back. The actual production model is finally ready, and it does not lose an iota of its coolness. You get a full QWERTY keyboard that allows for eight-finger typing yoga straight from the back, while a couple of triggers behind double up as mouse buttons."

Ever wanted to give your keyboard the 'ol reach around? Yeah me either... but just in case, the Grippity is your man... er keyboard.

For a mere $100 you can guarantee yourself frustration and a dash of arthritis. I'm pretty sure both of those are tax write offs... so go for it!

ps. I know a good dry wall guy for when you ninja star this ridiculous hunk of crap into the wall. Hit me up.


Photo: ubergizmo.com

Harry Potter Inspires New Sport Up North: It's Hella Wicked Uncool... Pissa

"The earthbound variation is called Muggle Quidditch. The sport originated in 2005 when a student at Middlebury College adapted the game for the nonmagical world. Its popularity quickly spread, and today more than 150 colleges throughout the United States have Quidditch teams.


As in the fictional game, each Muggle Quidditch team has seven players: three chasers, two beaters, a keeper, and a seeker. Chasers score points by throwing a quaffle, or volleyball, through one of three hoops (worth 10 points) while trying to avoid bludgers, or dodgeballs, that are thrown by beaters. (If chasers are hit by a bludger, they must drop the quaffle.) The keeper's job is to protect the three goalposts, while the seeker must capture the snitch -- a sock stuffed with tennis balls carried by a person (typically a cross-country runner) dressed in gold. Capturing the snitch nets an additional 30 points and ends the game."

The visual I have for this game is f'n ridiculous! So you mean you took the mystical magical sport of flying on broomsticks and chasing a ball with wings at unbelievable speeds and turned it into running around the quad with a volleyball and an idiot dressed in gold with 3 tennis balls stuffed in a sock?? Got it.

Man college sure has changed. I remember just a bunch of people gettin sickie woo wasted, sleeping with a lot of "6"s and praying to pass calculus. oh well... if living on ramen noodles and getting no exercise other than kegstands is wrong.. I don't wanna be right.




*Update* Nevermind I just saw the video and I've learned that the kids playing this are usually the ones that fuck up the grading curve. So hopefully with something for these nerds to do Kane can pass this Molecular Transgenics class.

What the hell.. here's the video.

Time Machine Clock Only Takes You Back To Confusedville

“The Time Machine Clock is a kinetic display device that eschews the normal conventions of a timepiece - hands, to you and me - and instead replaces them with an altogether more elaborate means of saying ‘ten past two’. A central spindle counts the seconds, releasing a ball every minute. Once five minutes is reached, the five minute ball is released. These balls accumulate until 12 have been released, whereupon the one hour ball is set free and rolls into place. This continues on the hour, every hour. Along the way, a precision movement mechanism ensures complete accuracy.”

That's just fascinating.. now will someone tell me what fuckin time it is please! If Kane's late to his yarn spinning class they charge me extra.


*Update*: Apparently thumbs are a prerequisite for the class. Great... I have no spun yarn and still no bloody idea what time it is.


Photo: Gadget Shop

Dinner's Ready: Now Who's Gonna Say Grace

Having the in-laws over this holiday and feel like your place needs some sprucin up? Well fear no more.. you're welcome.

I'm just glad to see my letters aren't going unread at Chandelier Design Digest.


Photo: Ballerhouse

Not the Crotch Rocket Your Grand-daddy Rode

That's quite the... umm.. hog you got there mister creepy body wave perm guy. Yeah I said body wave perm.. I'm sure I can take a guy that has more seats on his motorcycle than I have in my monster truck wheels Smart Car.

So much for not having to pick any of your loser no car having friends up because you're "on your bike". Way to go!

Well honestly I can't see what could go wrong with this ride. Looks safe and like whole HELL OF A LOTA fun. Now who's in charge of hand signals? Cause if I'm in the back I'm givin everyone the bird. Just a heads up.

Haute Couture's Got Nuthin On This

"Ideal for summer festivals and a fantastic choice for everyday camping this clever sleeping bag keeps you warm all night and makes for no extra carriage on the way home simply because, you wear it!"

One of the right hand homies of "Scooter Is The New Black", Cranky, is a big fan of both sleeping bags and walking. He's going to f'n flip when he sees this!

I'd like to know who the hell is wearing this to "summer festivals"?? I've been to my share of concerts, beer bashes, wine festivals, renaissance fairs and battle of the bands and I've never looked around and said "look at this tool.. he's not wearing his sleeping bag like the AOL running man."

Well lets just hope that as Pepe says... one size does not fit all because we'll have some serious problems. I hope they have one in my size... size sexy!


Photo: DrinkStuff