Thursday, February 19, 2009

Teach Them Well And Let Them... Loan Me 20 Bucks







The Japanese are helping you teach your kids how to be fiscally responsible AND about the birds and the bees.. all in one (money) shot.

Just put some coin in this bad boy and watch 2 pigs or 2 elephants (tough choice, I know) show you their animal excitment. If this happened at my bank I'd probably pick up a second job for the extra cash. Just sayin.

So if I've got this right... I just told my neice that she's not to give it up without any money. Thank me later big bro... Thank me later.

Let's Paint the Town... er, LED?



Like to mix your style with a little tech'ness and a whole lotta 'ready to party'? Well mission status? Accomplished! Now you can have your very own DIY pair of sneaks that let's you be the hit of the rave. Or get hit by a raver. I can't remember which. Either way, running from the cops or hiding your bladder problem at the movies is no longer an option for you. But being totally awesome and probably attracting bugs is definitely in your future! Nice!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Desperation Equals Funny: At Least Google Feels So





I've always said that this world was full of crazy people and here Google goes and proves me wrong. Touche Google. Touche.

Really? 883,000,000 results of "Why do I have no friends"... Besides not being a fan of Scooter Is The New Black.. the only other result we could think of was that you are actually asking a data warehouse this question.

I ran up to an ATM once and asked why I was so broke. It didn't spit out cash. I'm assuming the results are similar here. Well except you're not on camera and won't end up getting robbed for your pre-paid cell phone.


For the sake of thorough journalism I've decided to include a few of my favorites from this research.

* 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party (at Jason's house, in Jason's pants) (Really??! 286K results to Jason's pants?)

* 21,900,000: I have one more drink. (Sounds like a problem...)

* 1,060,000: Sex is for making babies and revenge. (That's true.)

* 3,290,000: Who do I have to be to make you sleep with me. (Let's start with your address... oh and a list of what meds you're on.. we'll go from there.)



Source: Gizmodo

This Is Exactly Why We Don't Do Dentists!



If you've caught the interweb phenomenom of little David leaving the dentist, than you may enjoy this. Thanks to the Upright Citizens Brigade and YouTube scientists we can now see lil David 20 years from now.


We feel your pain Davie boy... I've been it sayin it for years... They need to make a divorce attorney/anesthesiologist office. That will make it a whole hella lot easier to take the news that all your shit is gone.

My dad always said... "I lost the child custody battle... somehow I got the kids". USA USA USA!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

"Marco!".... "Keep It Down I'm Talkin To My Bookie"





"The Isophone is essentially a telecommunications device providing a service that can be described simply as a meeting of the telephone and the floatation tank. The user wears a helmet that blocks out all peripheral sensory distraction whilst keeping the head above the surface of the water… a space is created for providing a pure, distraction free environment for making a telephone call."



Now that's what I call a "hands free" device. I may need a bigger car but totally worth it!

Has the demand for swimming and party lines gone up and no one told me? I can get on board with that. Hmmm I wonder if a "breast stroke" costs 3.95 a minute from this thing too?!



*Update* Yes. Yes it does. Still worth it.



dvice.com

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Like Time Through the Shreddy Thing... So Are the Days of Our... Nevermind






"The Chrono-Shredder is a device that reminds us of the preciousness of our lifetime. It represents the passing of time by shredding the days of the year – printed on a paper roll – at a slow constant rate. To shred one day takes 24 hours. There is no “off”-button. As the seconds pass by, the tattered remains of the past pile up under the device…

This asks, what people would do if there were given the ability to hibernate — and so, stop their natural ageing. Would they regard natural ageing as threat? Will they start counting their "awake" hours like they count calories today?"



Nope can't see that annoying any of your coworkers. Lucky for you it's not sharp enough to feed you through... Sorry folks, you're still gonna have to use the old fashion wood chipper to cure your "alimony problems".

Is it me or is this product descrip a little heavy? We hibernate plenty here... What do you mean blacking out is NOT hibernating? I beg to differ but I'm too busy picking up piles of paper shit off the floor to argue about this. Thanks for nuthin!




susannahertrich.com

Chia's Vote For Change

Photobucket


At first I thought this was a little racist.. Then I remembered Chia broke down the race barrier years ago with a Mr T Chia pet. Boy am I embarrassed at my former assumption.

Not quite the 'stimulus' I was looking for... but at this point... I'll take it.


Can't live without one of these gems? How unfortunate for you. But luckily Amazon.com can meet your needs.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Playing This Guitar MAY Make You To Go Blind





"This started out as a Cort Stratocaster copy.

I bought it on-line. But when I took it apart it turned out the body was plywood. So I decided to have some fun. I made a new body out of Cherry wood, added some maple for a new headstock, made a new pickguard and... voila!

The wangcaster was on the Graham Norton TV show, in Great Britain, where he showed it to Bon Jovi, who said "wow, that guitar has balls!" - Gus Curran



Bands have been created for a number of reasons... True love of music, getting laid, maybe to fill up your Saturday night plans because you're not gettin invited to the big dance. Whatever it may be... the fine makers of the Wangcaster are here to undo all of your hard work.

I'm not sure I would have been as forthright as Gus about my vision of a playing with balls on stage. But hey... just leaves us the chance to make our Boobcaster.

*Boobcaster - patent pending"


Source: carverdoug.com/wang.html

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Who Said Video Games Weren't Educational?


6-year-old takes family car after missing bus


"WICOMICO CHURCH, Va. — A 6-year-old Virginia boy who missed his bus tried to drive to school in his family's sedan — and crashed. His parents were charged with child endangerment. State police said the boy suffered only minor injuries and authorities drove him to school after he was evaluated at a local hospital for a bump on his head. He arrived shortly after lunch, Sgt. Tom Cunningham said.

It happened around 7:40 a.m. Monday on Route 360, about 61 miles east of Richmond.

The boy, whose name wasn't released, missed the bus, took the keys to his family's 2005 Ford Taurus and drove nearly six miles toward school while his mother was asleep, police said.

He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.

The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.

"He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."



All I know is if I ever get me one of these "6 year olds" I want them to have this kid's ambition. He get's himself up and dressed, already figured out breakfast and PE are the best parts of school, knows how to drive a car 6 miles (!) before crashing AND after being in the hospital STILL made it to history class. That's like 10 times more than we did today.

I think we just found a play date for Lil Derrick .

Thursday, December 25, 2008

It's Christmas *PEW* *PEW*



There's decorating and there's DECORATING. Then there's this fuckin thing. Every year I run into the same problem... Kane not holding the ladder still while I awesome up the house for the holidays. Looks like those days are over. Alls we need now is a pile of paper shred, cannon air gun, good eye doctor, and some glue. Then what?? You guessed it.. That shit's Christmas'd!

Monday, December 22, 2008

He's A Real Tiger In The...... Uh Office?




"The South Korean guy shown in the video looks like a pretty average businessman when he sits at his desk or attends meetings at his company. However, whenever he needs to leave a chair and go somewhere, he gets down on all fours and walks like a tiger. Apparently he had been suffering health problems, but after reading a newspaper article about the benefits of such a walking style, he began walking like a tiger all the time. He gets a lot of funny looks in public and it can be hard for his coworkers to speak with him while walking somewhere together, but he claims that the tiger walk has greatly improved his health. He’s even attracted a few followers and formed an organization of people who walk on all fours!"



I'd like to know what these "health problems" were first before I make any assumptions. Because if he suffered from good posture, clean hands and a social life then I understand him wanting to rid himself of such ailments.

This is why Kane and I pay extra for good health insurance.




Source: Japanprobe.com

Friday, December 19, 2008

Satan's Stuffed Army. A Stocking Stuffer If I've Ever Seen One






Slightlywarped.com really knows it's target market. Here it is Christmas and what better time to release these knittings for all the good lil boys and girls.

I don't have kids or nieces or nephews.. It's a pretty known fact that kids aren't allowed around me period. But man.. it's times like this I really wish I had a kid to get a gift for. It's not like I'm the one that has to pay for the therapy. Who's with me?