Price of Unicorn Meat Getting You Down? Then You Should Lay Off the Bath Salts...

 Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat Specifications

• 14 ounces of delicious unicorn meat, canned for your convenience
• Imported from a small independent cannery in County Meath, Ireland
• Crunchy horn bits in every bite - an excellent source of Calcium
• Tastes like rotisserie chicken but with a hint of marshmallow sweetness
• Easily spreadable for sandwiches, hors d'oeuvres, and more
• Sparkly meat lends the unmistakable air of class and sophistication to your parties
• Unlike other meats, unicorn fat is polyunsaturated and lowers your LDL cholesterol

 

Everyone knows homemade is always better. Except people that have eaten at my house and would argue that it’s actually worse and “contains dog hair” and “almost killed me”… But if you are one of those fictional “cooks” that can pull off food at home then WOW your friends with some unicorn nuggets. And not like those gross chicken nuggets that aren’t real chicken and have like next to no sparkles but the real deal...  BOOM they’re impressed! Not to mention your virginity remains safe and sound. Just remember the first rule of being a unicortarian is to tell EVERY FUCKING ONE THAT YOU’RE A UNICORTARIAN!!!! ‘Yes Kane DID get new reading glasses… you know because he’s a unicortarian and all…”

 Photo: courtesy thinkgeek.com