Australia Fights Back: Nude and Loud, Say It Proud!

CANBERRA (Reuters) – An Australian holiday resort will hold a month-long, nude "anything goes" party to combat an expected economic downturn, media reports said on Thursday.

"Tough economic times call for stiff measures," Tony Fox, the owner of the White Cockatoo resort in Mossman, in tropical Queensland state, told the Courier-Mail newspaper.

"It will be a hedonism resort, where anything goes for a month. It doesn't take rocket science to work out what it means," Fox said, naming March as the risque party month."

Kane and I just sold blood and now can finally get the vacation we deserve! Anything goes? You swear?? Hm Can't see anything that could go wrong there.

I'll go down.... under (I figured the article didn't have enough bad innuendos) for this kind of throwdown. See you in March mates!

Flip Flops Worth Flippin For!

"The Reef Men's Dram Sandal features a hidden flask so you can smuggle your moonshine into any sporting event, concert, or boring lecture. The polyurethane-encapsulated canteen hides in the heel and opens with the included church key/fin key...

These flip-flops' synthetic nubuck uppers and compression-molded EVA footbeds feel mad comfortable and they won't get thrashed by the water, which makes the Dram Sandals great for boating or chilling on the beach."

My number one complaint about vacation is that I can't fit my flask into those stupid board shorts... true story. Oh that and my family's there but this doesn't fix that.

Now I can take a stroll on the beach with my 2 favorite things: the sunset and Johnny Walker.

People look at me a little odd for wearing these in the winter but I'm too plowed to care. Thanks flip flop scientists.








Source: Amazon

Slutometer: Finally!

" * Button-activated sexual conquest counter
* Digital display moves up and a siren plays over congratulatory phrases when activated
* Includes reset button
* Batteries not included

There's no room for romance in the numbers game. Points are scored every time you land a snog, a grope or a full-on shag. Hit the respective button and the built-in siren will announce news of your success to the world."

Let's see 67.... spring break in cabo... 68... wait where was I??? shit! Ok start over. Back of a Subaru.. one... this is going to take forever!

Not any more!! Carry your slutometer to solve this age old problem. It even plays a sound when you add a conquest. Nice!

Includes a reset button when you want to lie to your new girlfriend or when you got drunk and passed out on the button... Sorry Kane.

And need I say, honesty rule in effect fellas. *yeah right*


Oh batteries not included: story of my life.




Photo: play.com

Slinky... Can we keep him dad??

This video is f'n amazing. Try to be sober'ish when you watch or it'll make you a little car sick.

I had a slinky growing up. It never did anything remotely cool. Plop down one step then my brother would bend it so it's only use was wrapping it around my head to make my galaxy futuristic mars hat. Which subsequently had to be cut out of my hair once. Still worth it.


*galaxy futuristic mars hat - patent pending

Beer On A Stick.. Helps You Not Get Laid

" It’s an injected-molded polystyrene 3 piece cup holder. Our intuitive design makes it easy to assemble. Our low order minimums make it easy for you to try Beer on a Stick™ at your next event!

We are sure you'll share our enthusiasm for this new product. Sit back and enjoy one of your favorite beverages using the Beer on a Stick™ cup holder and we're sure you'll agree that this item is truly unique and fun.

We feel, “It’s how you hold that keeps it cold – Beer on a Stick™!”"

Beer on a stick!! I like just about anything on a stick but come on.. some things are sacred.

In honor of it being Friday and I'm gettin sickie woo wasted this weekend, I thought I'd share this gem with you.

So this 'product', if you will, claims that it will end your days of hand temperature beer or wet cold hands. I remember college... kinda... and I don't remember those issues ever coming up. If they did we just got tossed upside down and drank straight from the source. I guess the losers that would actually use this thing didn't go to college. So kids, what have we learned?? Exactly... I've lost my pants again. SICKIE WOO!



Photo: beeronastick.net

For the Girl That Has Everything.... 'Cept a Plastic Bag

"Lingerie manufacturer Triumph International Japan has unveiled a new type of brassiere that can be converted into a shopping bag. When the bra is being worn, the “shopping bag” portions are folded away inside the bra cups, where they serve as extra padding. The bra quickly converts to a shopping bag by removing the bag portions from the cups and connecting the hooks on the bra’s underwire."

Wait just a little.. eh hold on.. ok *unsnap*... got it.. *through the sleeve*. Now lets see fold this down... over.. tie up here and VOILA! a bag to hold your other valuables ladies. Just stay clear of the frozen food section at the grocery store. Could be a little 'cold' for you.




Photo: Triumph

Theatre Just Dance Dance Revolutioned It's Way Into My Heart.

Dance Dance Revolution: The Musical!

"Brace yourselves for the theater event of the year: Dance Dance Revolution, the musical. Starring As The World Turns actor Van Hansis, it will feature original songs, a 40-person cast and DDR.

The plot:

"It's set in an Orwellian society where a dance prophet named Moonbeam Funk helps dancing youth gangs rebel against a fascist government. The company working on the show describes it as "like Footloose set in the future — but kind of scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors and buckets of free beer."

Dude I'd go see paint dry if you gave it that kind of plot summary. I like how they warn you that it's "like Footloose - but kind of scarier". hmmmm Footloose was pretty fuckin scary so this is going to be crazy scary! I just know it.

I can't wait for the story build up when we see how Moonbeam Funk changed the ways of young gang rebels of a fascist government to naked boys dancing on a metal video game to Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back". I know a winner when I see one. *SWISH!*


Photo: kotaku.com

The Wheelchair Market Is Still Safe.

"Honda intros experimental walking assist device

Honda Motor on Friday announced it will begin real-world testing of its second experimental walking assist device designed to reduce the strain on a user's leg muscles and joints such as hips, knees and ankles."

Just so I'm clear... you can trade your stiff knees for an uncomfortable crotch, chaffing thighs, permanently ugly shoes, inconvenient bathroom breaks and an all day wedgie? Good to know.

It's hard to understand the actual benefit this thing offers when it's only being demonstrated by healthy young Asian men. I'm guessing they aren't the target market. They should send me a prototype and 2... make that 3... bottles of rum. I'll let you know if it "assists in walking".



Update: You couldn't spring for Bacardi? sheesh.. anyway. While it does help you walk, it doesn't fair well when walking right off the 2 story porch. I'll be sending this back. CUSTOMER DOES NOT RECOMMEND.


Photo: electonista

It Sounds Like They Were Drunk When They Named This Town

Cops have tough time finding sober driver for boy

"SCHERERVILLE, Ind. – Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charges.

The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge.

Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child."

Wow... the first part of this article saddened me because it's def not cool to be driving drunk with a baby. Call them a cab during last call or something. But then I read on and realized that this baby's gene pool is probably going to allow it to live on for many years off of my tax dollars. Which makes this article even sadder to me. *sigh*

Pop A Squat at the Airport... Sure Why the Hell Not

"Never again find yourself stranded in a transportation terminal with no place to sleep! The Mini Motel provides you with comfortable sleeping accommodations no matter where your travels take you."

What's worse than gettin shloshed at the airport tavern then needing to sleep it off or 'no boarding for you mister'? I'll tell you... Trying to sleep it off on a magazine stand. Apparently that's frowned upon in Atlanta.

It seems like the maker of this little joker has had the same experience.

This is a great idea. It's got all of the qualities to be a real star. Let's see.. we've got additional carry-on weight, opens up to become giant space hog tent equipped with an air mattress (which I've yet to figure out how you inflate), an alarm clock to scare the be-jebus out of people that don't want to hear sudden alarms at the airport, a toothbrush (ewww and you should already have one of those being that you are at an airport)... oh and ear plugs so you can't hear the security person telling you to move your dumb ass.



I'll take 2



Photo: minimotel.net

"Go Straight To Jail"... Brings Back Memories For Players

"Paydays are generally an opportunity to pay down your debt. Debt is incurred by buying vehicles and a home on credit. Perhaps a $500 TV, getting married, divorced, re-married, and having too many young’ens! You may fail at step parenting and be able to give your Darryls to another player.Extra earning opportunities arise: Part-time job shooting rats at the dump. Collect $20. New business venture: Steal and sell wheelchairs. Collect $300. Unexpected Expenses occur: One of your TVs breaks. Buy a nice new TV. Pay $500. Accidentally break industrial scale at feed store while weighing yourself. Pay $200 for repairs. Revenge, Sweet Revenge … Go in on a bass boat with any other player, You each pay $300. You need more time to watch TV. You may divide all of your young’ens between the other players. Steal and part out any other player’s vehicle. Collect half its value. Witness Protection Program: May trade homes with any other player."

YAY for poverty!!! If I've said it once I've said it a million times.. there needs to be a multi player board game mocking illiterate destitute po'folk. Finally!

This may hit a little too close to home for some of my friends. Listen just because you can drive your house over to my house doesn't mean you're a redneck. Wait... forget it. Pass the Schnapps.


Photo and Description: Amazon.com

Introducing Mr. Combined, Esquire

"A teenager has changed his birth name by deed poll to incorporate several comic book superheroes.

George Garratt from Glastonbury has become Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.

The 19-year-old music student made the change "for a bit of a laugh", through a legally-recognised website.

He said: "I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."

He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter." "

I don't remember The Hulk being particularly fast... big yes.. green yes.. fast not so much. So there's hole number one in your bullet proof idea.

You know what's a good idea when you're 19 years old... taking advice from your 19 year old friends. And you're right I'm sure they were giving you more names to add to your brilliant (not even a little) stunt. When I was 19, my friends suggested I hold a lit sparkler in my teeth and write curse words in the air. I didn't have eyebrows again until I was 21. (Totally worth it!)


At the end of the day this kid IS in 'music school' so.. you know.. it's not like he'll ever have a real job.. ziiiing!



Photo: BBC News