Teach Them Well And Let Them... Loan Me 20 Bucks

The Japanese are helping you teach your kids how to be fiscally responsible AND about the birds and the bees.. all in one (money) shot.

Just put some coin in this bad boy and watch 2 pigs or 2 elephants (tough choice, I know) show you their animal excitment. If this happened at my bank I'd probably pick up a second job for the extra cash. Just sayin.

So if I've got this right... I just told my neice that she's not to give it up without any money. Thank me later big bro... Thank me later.

Let's Paint the Town... er, LED?

Like to mix your style with a little tech'ness and a whole lotta 'ready to party'? Well mission status? Accomplished! Now you can have your very own DIY pair of sneaks that let's you be the hit of the rave. Or get hit by a raver. I can't remember which. Either way, running from the cops or hiding your bladder problem at the movies is no longer an option for you. But being totally awesome and probably attracting bugs is definitely in your future! Nice!

Desperation Equals Funny: At Least Google Feels So

I've always said that this world was full of crazy people and here Google goes and proves me wrong. Touche Google. Touche.

Really? 883,000,000 results of "Why do I have no friends"... Besides not being a fan of Scooter Is The New Black.. the only other result we could think of was that you are actually asking a data warehouse this question.

I ran up to an ATM once and asked why I was so broke. It didn't spit out cash. I'm assuming the results are similar here. Well except you're not on camera and won't end up getting robbed for your pre-paid cell phone.


For the sake of thorough journalism I've decided to include a few of my favorites from this research.

* 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party (at Jason's house, in Jason's pants) (Really??! 286K results to Jason's pants?)

* 21,900,000: I have one more drink. (Sounds like a problem...)

* 1,060,000: Sex is for making babies and revenge. (That's true.)

* 3,290,000: Who do I have to be to make you sleep with me. (Let's start with your address... oh and a list of what meds you're on.. we'll go from there.)



Source: Gizmodo

This Is Exactly Why We Don't Do Dentists!

If you've caught the interweb phenomenom of little David leaving the dentist, than you may enjoy this. Thanks to the Upright Citizens Brigade and YouTube scientists we can now see lil David 20 years from now.


We feel your pain Davie boy... I've been it sayin it for years... They need to make a divorce attorney/anesthesiologist office. That will make it a whole hella lot easier to take the news that all your shit is gone.

My dad always said... "I lost the child custody battle... somehow I got the kids". USA USA USA!!

"Marco!".... "Keep It Down I'm Talkin To My Bookie"

"The Isophone is essentially a telecommunications device providing a service that can be described simply as a meeting of the telephone and the floatation tank. The user wears a helmet that blocks out all peripheral sensory distraction whilst keeping the head above the surface of the water… a space is created for providing a pure, distraction free environment for making a telephone call."

Now that's what I call a "hands free" device. I may need a bigger car but totally worth it!

Has the demand for swimming and party lines gone up and no one told me? I can get on board with that. Hmmm I wonder if a "breast stroke" costs 3.95 a minute from this thing too?!



*Update* Yes. Yes it does. Still worth it.



dvice.com

Like Time Through the Shreddy Thing... So Are the Days of Our... Nevermind

"The Chrono-Shredder is a device that reminds us of the preciousness of our lifetime. It represents the passing of time by shredding the days of the year – printed on a paper roll – at a slow constant rate. To shred one day takes 24 hours. There is no “off”-button. As the seconds pass by, the tattered remains of the past pile up under the device…

This asks, what people would do if there were given the ability to hibernate — and so, stop their natural ageing. Would they regard natural ageing as threat? Will they start counting their "awake" hours like they count calories today?"

Nope... can't see that annoying any of your coworkers. Lucky for you it's not sharp enough to feed you through... Sorry folks, you're still gonna have to use the old fashion wood chipper to cure your "alimony problems".

Is it me or is this product descrip a little heavy? We hibernate plenty here... What do you mean blacking out is NOT hibernating? I beg to differ but I'm too busy picking up piles of paper shit off the floor to argue about this. Thanks for nuthin!




susannahertrich.com

Chia's Vote For Change

At first I thought this was a little racist.. Then I remembered Chia broke down the race barrier years ago with a Mr T Chia pet. Boy am I embarrassed at my former assumption.

Not quite the 'stimulus' I was looking for... but at this point... I'll take it.


Can't live without one of these gems? How unfortunate for you. But luckily Amazon.com can meet your needs.